Hip Hip Hip Holidays!
I can't believe it, but it's really true! I have one whole week off! Yipeeeeeeee! I made notes for whomever is brave enough to cover the 19 files that are in an emergency priority for next week and a whole bunch more that may require some attention. Hah. I wish I could be a fly on the wall for a couple hours a day to see how THAT goes. And I'm going to try to not even think about the mess I'll come back to.
I've had some absolutely terrible days over the past couple of weeks. I'm downing scotch as we speak. All of the conveyancers I've talked to lately are cranky and snippy and need a holiday as much as I do. This is the thing, people. If you are buying a house in a hot market, keep these tidbits in mind:
1. And I mean #1. If you have no money, don't try to buy a house. Don't act so surprised that the bank isn't going to lend you enough money to cover all of your closing costs, adjusted taxes and CMHC fees et cetera. Somehow you're going to have to cough up a couple of thousand dollars and it's not my fault that you don't have it.
2. Speaking of CMHC fees, rip the face off of someone else if you don't like them; I have no control over how much you are charged. Leave me out of it. This all goes back to #1. If you don't have five cents to your name, you are just lucky the bank is willing to lend you anything. CMHC is your friend. That's the only way you're going to get your house. Work it out.
3. This may come as a complete surprise to you, but you are not my only client at this moment in time. If you want to be my only client, try buying a house in November, not in July. Oh, and if the nice people at the Land Registry don't want to work July long weekend and your transfer is held up for three days, that also is not my fault. I got you into the house on time; paying a couple of days interest is not going to make any difference in the long run. I've requisitioned your mortgage funds and I'm at the mercy of your bank now until the funds arrive.
4. When I'm trying to explain something to you, shut the eff up and listen. I know exactly what I'm doing and I'll be happy to take 10 precious minutes out of my day to explain the procedure to you, but you have to shut your face and let me talk. If I sound a little pissy by the end of the conversation you probably won't notice anyway because you never shut the eff up long enough to hear a word I said.
5. This is not Alberta. You are very unlikely to see any money on possession date here. Hold tight for a couple of days and you'll have it. We already told you that. Calling me five times a day to ask where your money is won't help any of us and no, I can't expedite the Land Registry timeline. See #3. Next time, sell your house on November the 8th if you want to be at the front of the line. Right now you're about #15 on my desk alone and you can multiply that by about 50 to see where you are in the line at the Land Registry.
6. Don't act so surprised that you have to come in and sign mortgage documents before you buy a house. If you decide to take a holiday for 2 weeks just before possession date, you might want to let me know so I can get your mortgage documents ready before you go. And, even better, if your wife is on holiday in Manitoba and you're here, I can't tell you what a pain in the ass that is for me to get everything signed in time for you to move in on the right day. Work with me; don't give me shit because I want to interrupt your summer with the annoying little documents that will allow me to get your keys on time.
7. To my co-workers. Could use a little help here. Oh, right. You're entitled to your holidays. I'm just confused why you're off again because I have about 2 months worth of vacation time that increases daily with the overtime I'm putting in. Have another nice week off; I'll be here answering the phone, instead of doing my job, because everyone else is gone.
Aah, there's so much more, but I am officially on a week off starting right now. And I'm not giving it another thought. The nice summer weather appears to be over and I missed it all again, but who cares. Feet up, great book, good scotch, trip to Calgary to see my sister on the horizon.
Things are looking up!
I've had some absolutely terrible days over the past couple of weeks. I'm downing scotch as we speak. All of the conveyancers I've talked to lately are cranky and snippy and need a holiday as much as I do. This is the thing, people. If you are buying a house in a hot market, keep these tidbits in mind:
1. And I mean #1. If you have no money, don't try to buy a house. Don't act so surprised that the bank isn't going to lend you enough money to cover all of your closing costs, adjusted taxes and CMHC fees et cetera. Somehow you're going to have to cough up a couple of thousand dollars and it's not my fault that you don't have it.
2. Speaking of CMHC fees, rip the face off of someone else if you don't like them; I have no control over how much you are charged. Leave me out of it. This all goes back to #1. If you don't have five cents to your name, you are just lucky the bank is willing to lend you anything. CMHC is your friend. That's the only way you're going to get your house. Work it out.
3. This may come as a complete surprise to you, but you are not my only client at this moment in time. If you want to be my only client, try buying a house in November, not in July. Oh, and if the nice people at the Land Registry don't want to work July long weekend and your transfer is held up for three days, that also is not my fault. I got you into the house on time; paying a couple of days interest is not going to make any difference in the long run. I've requisitioned your mortgage funds and I'm at the mercy of your bank now until the funds arrive.
4. When I'm trying to explain something to you, shut the eff up and listen. I know exactly what I'm doing and I'll be happy to take 10 precious minutes out of my day to explain the procedure to you, but you have to shut your face and let me talk. If I sound a little pissy by the end of the conversation you probably won't notice anyway because you never shut the eff up long enough to hear a word I said.
5. This is not Alberta. You are very unlikely to see any money on possession date here. Hold tight for a couple of days and you'll have it. We already told you that. Calling me five times a day to ask where your money is won't help any of us and no, I can't expedite the Land Registry timeline. See #3. Next time, sell your house on November the 8th if you want to be at the front of the line. Right now you're about #15 on my desk alone and you can multiply that by about 50 to see where you are in the line at the Land Registry.
6. Don't act so surprised that you have to come in and sign mortgage documents before you buy a house. If you decide to take a holiday for 2 weeks just before possession date, you might want to let me know so I can get your mortgage documents ready before you go. And, even better, if your wife is on holiday in Manitoba and you're here, I can't tell you what a pain in the ass that is for me to get everything signed in time for you to move in on the right day. Work with me; don't give me shit because I want to interrupt your summer with the annoying little documents that will allow me to get your keys on time.
7. To my co-workers. Could use a little help here. Oh, right. You're entitled to your holidays. I'm just confused why you're off again because I have about 2 months worth of vacation time that increases daily with the overtime I'm putting in. Have another nice week off; I'll be here answering the phone, instead of doing my job, because everyone else is gone.
Aah, there's so much more, but I am officially on a week off starting right now. And I'm not giving it another thought. The nice summer weather appears to be over and I missed it all again, but who cares. Feet up, great book, good scotch, trip to Calgary to see my sister on the horizon.
Things are looking up!
posted by ruthieB | 7:09 PM
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4 comments
