Apres Christmas...

Another Christmas in the bag. It was a good one, for the most part. Chaeli and Carson were perfectly adorable and we had some great times with family -- Michelle and Mark, Nyckee and Miles, Janna and Steve, and Brent's family, so that's all we could really ask for! I'll come back to post more about our holidays in another post, when I'm feeling more energetic.

The day before Christmas Eve was a tough one, though. We lost our precious Cadillac after a very brief illness. He started acting sick on Sunday, the 21st, while we were having our family Christmas. I was going to take him to the vet on Monday, but he seemed to be improving so I thought I'd just keep an eye on him for a couple of days. By Monday night, though, he'd completely lost his energy and just seemed to want to sleep.

I called the vet first thing Tuesday morning and took him down to get him checked out. He was awake but very lethargic. I held him in a blanket while we waited and petted his huge round head and adorable giant paws and told him not to be scared. The vet said his bladder was blocked (poor Caddy!) but it could be easily remedied by putting him under and draining his bladder. Once they had him comfortable they'd figure out what the next steps would be. He said there were risks and that Caddy was, at the moment, quite sick, but there was no reason to believe he wasn't going to be okay by Christmas.

By 1:30pm when the vet called me back Caddy was gone. His heart stopped when they put him under and they were unable to save him. We knew he wasn't the healthiest cat at the best of times, but we sure weren't ready to lose him already. :( He was so huge and cuddly and sweet and dumb and gentle, and I am going to miss him so very much.

I feel so horribly guilty about not taking him in on Monday. The vet said it wouldn't have made any difference to the outcome, but I still could have saved him a day of suffering, if nothing else. I just didn't realize how sick he really was and I was SO sure he seemed a little better. Cats just don't die when they're three and a half years old. He had such a nice, peaceful life and always knew love. I guess that's a good thing.

Mr X felt so bad for me that he surprised me by going to the shelter and picking out another cat for me for Christmas. He and Nyk went in and asked for the cuddliest cat in the shelter. So now Holly is part of our family and it's easy to see already that she is a very special little girl.

The picture above was taken during a rare show of affection by Lazee, our old cat who died last year, giving Caddy a nice bit of love. As Miles says, they're together again, having a snuggle wherever it is cats go after they leave us.

RIP, little Caddy. You were such a wonderful little friend.

Emotional overload days again

Ross Kleman. There's a name I'll never forget.

Just a smallish average-looking man, inconspicuous, probably forgettable in ordinary circumstances. But these are no ordinary circumstances.

Yesterday Ross was arrested, and today charged with the first-degree murder of our precious Emily.

And now, though uninvited, and most certainly unwelcome, Ross is inextricably interwoven into the fabric of our family as the person who decided that 14 years was long enough for us to enjoy the beauty of Emily, that Emily didn't need to have the children she was eventually hoping to have, that her parents didn't need to hear the music of her voice and her talents anymore, that August 10th, 2008 was the last chance her Stauffer aunties, uncles and cousins would have to see her smile.

After so many weeks of having the horrifying picture pass through my consciousness of Emily being jumped, beaten, strangled, there is now an image to affix to the previously blurry face of the attacker. Oddly, he doesn't look like the monster I would have expected.

I understand the system and I know Ross has not yet been proven guilty nor has he, to my knowledge, acknowledged guilt. Who knows what the next weeks or years will reveal. I do have a lot of faith in the RCMP who are involved with this case though, because I've seen with my own eyes the grief they were experiencing and the resolve they had to do this up right, so I trust that they have charged the right guy.

I can't even imagine what these days are like for Emily's parents, or, on the other side of the coin, for Ross' wife and extended family. Is there an explanation for this? What in the hell compelled him to do such a thing -- he looks normal, he claims to love God, wants to "help people". How could he act so normal and remorseless, living in a tight community turned upside down by his own hands? Has he done it before? Did he even really do it this time or is it all a horrible mistake?

How can this even really be happening? When does life ever become normal again?