If you really want to, you can

I had the pleasure of talking with a local lawyer a couple of days ago at a real estate open house that my job obliged me to attend. She had pointed out her conveyancing secretary to me and mentioned that all of her staff are single mothers because she went through her adult life and law school as a single mother and she wants to help others out where she can. I was intrigued and asked her a few questions. Turns out she decided, at 39, that she wanted to be a lawyer. She had no money, a couple of kids and she was approaching middle age, but by 45 she hung her shingle out and she is now a successful lawyer. I told her I long for the day when I too can go to University and get my degree, preferably in law. She said, "If you really want to, you can. If I did it, anyone can do it." She's right, of course. What an inspiring, wonderful woman.

I told Mr X about my conversation with this lawyer and he reminded me that the last time someone said those words to me I left my minimum wage job, sold my car and went to college. It was so very difficult (I was raising 2 kids with absolutely no money) but I was successful and I never looked back. I know I can do anything if I put my mind to it. Now, to get my mind to it. I must begin the investigation process and see how to make it doable. Lucky for me, this time I have Mr X behind me, and he is very supportive. But I'm still afraid. Life is so comfortable right now, but I know it can only get better.

Speaking of comfort, tomorrow I'm going to move into my new office. I'm still waiting for my new desk, which is scheduled to arrive in two weeks, but my computers are set up on the existing desks and I spent a few hours in there on Friday. One whole wall is windows and it's so refreshing after staring at a wall for the past 6 years. I'm a bit afraid of resentment from the other legal assistants, some of whom have been there years longer than I have, because I'll be the only one in an office. But I'm the one who was willing to take on the most difficult desk in April when the previous conveyancing secretary retired, so I hope it's okay. I also work completely independently so I really don't need anyone else around to do my job.

On a completely different note, I'm going to copy a portion of a post here that I wrote in a message board today. I want to save it because it meant a lot to me as I was writing it. It was in reply to someone who is questioning her faith because she has recently lost someone and is having trouble believing in a God who allows bad things to happen to good people. I don't know if what I wrote will mean anything to her, but I've struggled with my faith too, and this is a summary of what I came out of the struggle with:

I began to type this reply about an hour ago when the phone rang. It was my mum with the report that her beloved sister died, just this morning. My mum believes that Auntie Edith has gone home. She finds peace in that, and I am so grateful that she does. My mum has lost her parents, her husband, three sisters, two brothers and, just a couple of weeks ago, her best friend, among many other profound losses and struggles she has had to endure in her life.

My mum is old, and has the faith of the pioneers who struggled to make this country habitable many years ago. I envy that faith. Their losses had to have been as profound as our losses are today. Imagine moving to the wilds of Canada in the 1800s with no family, no money, nothing to fall back on. Your wagon goes down in the river, taking with it everything you own, including the mule that was supposed to help you plow out a farm. Then you lose a child or two or maybe your husband. Where do you drag faith up out of that? But they did. It was the one thing that drew them together -- the little churches that always sprang up when a few families homesteaded near each other. I totally envy that kind of faith. The faith that didn't expect God to be some kind of a Santa Claus, there to grant wishes and make everything happy, but instead looked to Him as the One that could provide guidance and peace in spite of what life brought them.

Sometimes I think that in this age of wisdom we have become above faith. That, to me, is a tragedy. There is a Bible verse my dad used to quote that says, "Professing to be wise they became fools". We have minimized God to something that we think we should be able to understand. God is so much more than we can understand and we're being arrogant if we think we can discount Him because we can't figure Him out. My association with organized religion is over, but my faith came out of the pain I've been through. I wish the same for you.